Serta Counting Sheep

#1

#1

About #1 – Leader of the Flock

The boss of the Serta Counting Sheep #1 instigates all anti-Serta activity. Clever, determined and afraid of no one, he devises scheme after scheme to thwart Serta's mission to provide a good night's sleep to all. No one is sure where #1 came from. Other Serta sheep recall him simply showing up one day and organising the ongoing rebellion. "He was mesmerizing" says #9, "I remember the day he came to us. We were all just standing around right next to each other eating grass. A few of the ewes fell in love with him. I mean, they took one look at him and the cud just fell right out of their mouths."

Not only is he charismatic and persuasive, #1 is an endless source of ideas. From blackmail to dirty tricks, he is relentless in his determination to put his flock back to work, doing what they were born to do…be counted by the sleepless.

 

Serta Sheep #1 Stats

  • Origin unknown; believed to be from the Upper Midwest, possibly Detroit area
  • Types 65 WPM (with snout)
  • Is believed to have military experience; often requests meetings at "Oh-eight-hundred-hours," etc
  • Becomes uncharacteristically docile while being shorn
  • Is afraid of thunder
#2

#2

About #2 – The Assistant

#2's main role is to be the right hoot of #1. If Serta Sheep #1 needs an extra set of hands for anything at all, #2 is his man. Prior to becoming a Serta CS, #2 admits he was a little lost. "When times were good…you know, when we were jumping the fence for clients…I was fine," he says. But after Serta came along and people didn't need to count sheep anymore, #2 found himself on the wrong side of the fence, getting herded into bad situation and hanging around with some seriously black sheep.

Since being made second-in-command, however, he's a changed sheep. He is prompt, reliable, and a devout follower of the cause and specifically his hero, #. He credits Serta Sheep #1 with changing his life and hopes one day to spearhead his own Serta revolution.

 

Serta Sheep#2 Stats

  • Uncanny sense of direction
  • Believes in ghosts
  • Frequently regurgitates cud while speaking
  • Prefers brown eyed ewes
  • Can whistle and hum simultaneously
#9

#9

About #9 – The Sub-Assistant

Some may consider being an assistant to an assistant an ignoble position, but not #9. Each day presents a new challenge, and he looks forward to the opportunity to lend a hoof whenever necessary. Dependable and earnest, Serta Sheep #9 is not only assistant to #2; he's also the go-to sheep for the entire flock, even for extremely physically demanding and grueling missions. Little-known fact: #9 is the comedian of the bunch and loves practical jokes. Before becoming a Serta Counting Sheep, one of his favourite gags was to back flip over the fence to fool insomniacs into thinking h was #6.

 

Serta Sheep #9 Stats

  • Likes the smell of orange blossoms
  • Can do spot-on impressions of tall the other Serta Counting Sheep
  • Has remark able balance,…he once walked two miles atop a wooden fence to amuse the lambs
  • Was orphaned at an early age and reared by two spinster goats
  • Loves surprise parties
#13

#13

About #13 – Mr Bad Luck

Although he admits a lot of it is his own fault, Serta Sheep #13 does seem to have more than his share of rotten luck. "My wool never did grow right after that run-on with the sheepdog," he says. Despite his frequent mishaps, #13 remains cheerful and dedicated to the cause. He is often whom the other Serta CS turn to if they become dispirited. Part counselor, part parental figure, part spiritual advisor, Sheep #13's inspiring words frequently become rally cries when things look bleak. "We'll jump again!" and "Sheep's got style!" are just a couple of the most aft-repeated slogans.

#13 is currently writing a Serta CS memoir, a book he promises you'll be up all night reading.

 

Serta Sheep#13 Stats

  • Wins every Serta CS spelling bee, hoofs down
  • Admires Dr Phil
  • Suffers from terrible post-nasal drip in the winter months
  • Once befriended a blind coyote
  • Attempted to infiltrate the running of the bulls in Pamplona while on spring break in college
#86

#86

About #86 – Benedict Arnold

Aptly named (as he was once eighty-sixed out a window for traitorous acts), #86 is considered an out-and-out turncoat in certain Serta CS quarters. These charges are greatly exaggerated, says #86. "What's the big deal? I like Serta mattresses, they're comfy. It's not like I'm committing treason or anything."

"He's a nice enough sheep, says Serta Sheep #1, "but personally I gotta draw the line somewhere. He's not invited to meetings. I'd never trust him with sensitive information. He stays with the flock till I say difference, but I got my eye on him."

Other Serta CS express similar mistrust, something #86 protests, chalking up his behaviour to a disorder called "Suspiciously Lame Explanation Evasion Problem," or "SLEEP," "I'm seeking help," was his only other comment before looking around guiltily and trotting off in the general direction of the Kamiski house.

 

Serta Sheep #86 Stats

  • Believes the moon landing was faked
  • Enjoys zydeco music and dreams of retiring in New Orleans
  • Was twice refused patent approval for his "Predator Detector" radar system
  • Secretly prefers hay over fresh grass
  • Visits his grandmother in the pasture every Sunday without fail
#8

#8

About #8 – The Dim Bulb

While not the sharpest shears in the drawer, #8 is nonetheless one of the most endearing Serta Counting Sheep. Gullible and naïve, his innocent blunders make him the butt of frequent jokes, but he takes it in his stride. "I'm a simple sheep," he says, "I hear a noise, I bolt. You can pretty much herd me into anything…what can I say?"

He regards the whole mattress-tag incident as an unfortunate close call, however, and doesn't like to talk about it. "I'm not surprised," says #13, "considering the fact that it was his fault we had to spend the night in a jail cell with a guy who eats rocks for breakfast. I go enough problems without his bloopers." In his free time, Serta Sheep #8 likes to practice jumping fences and counting to eight.

 

Serta Sheep #8 Stats

  • Collects antique postcards
  • Has been called the most photogenic of the Serta Counting Sheep
  • Often confused right with left and is frequently lost
  • Volunteers to digest cud for ailing or aged members of the flock

Knows all the words to "Total Eclipse of the Heart"

#1/2

#1/2

About #1/2 – The Tweener

One's pubescence is trying enough without the stress of an ongoing campaign against the maker of the world's most popular mattress, as Serta Sheep # ½ can attest. "Why does Serta have to make things so hard for us all the time?" he asked, pulling back his lips to reveal the glint of braces. "Ever try to chew cud with braces? I hate everyone!" he cried, stomping to his room and slamming the door.

The Serta Counting Sheep recall # ½ as a precocious lamb who was always laughing. "Lately he's just a pain in the rump," says #36, his father. Despite his teenaged angst, # ½ can still pull it together and be a team player if need be, and doesn't mind exploiting his orthodontia for the cause. "Whatever," he says, "I'm moving to California soon anyway."

 

Serta Sheep # ½ Stats

  • Thinks parents are lame
  • Thinks rules are stupid
  • Doesn't get why people should clean their rooms
  • Wants to play in a garage rock back when he grows up
  • Once dyed his wool blue
#36

#36

About #36 – Dad

Formerly a manager in his division (Local 2320) of Serta Counting Sheep, #36 remembers well the salad days of everyone jumping fences for a living. Barely making enough for a family to get by is a hard pill to swallow for him. "The wife's had to open up a lamb-care centre to help out with finances," he says,"I'm not proud of it. But I believe in the cause, and I know one day we'll take Serta down and as we like to say around here, "We'll jump again!"

#36 and his son # ½ have recently become more prominent members of the Serta Counting Sheep flock, allowing themselves to more or less serve as "poster sheep" for the disadvantaged. They are currently working with the Ad Council on a Public Service Announcement to increase awareness of the plight and to solicit donations.

 

Serta Sheep #36 Stats

  • Likes war movies and westerns
  • Can whittle amazing wooden figures with his teeth
  • Has great powers of observation and is called upon to reconnoiter anti-Serta locations prior to infiltration
  • Speaks fluent Urdu, Greek and Japanese
  • Teaches Tai-Chi on the weekends
# 1/16

# 1/16

About # 1/16 – The Baby

While 1/16 is too young to really know what's going on with the Serta Counting Sheep and their mission, he does enjoy the attention he receives at rallies and so forth. The ewes fawn over him incessantly and even the older lambs like having him around. "He's kind of like a doll," says #9, "like a little plush toy or something."

So far 1/16 has had no comment on anything at all and his feelings about anything other than being fed or cuddles are unknown, but his large hooves show great promise in the field of fence-jumping.

 

Serta Sheep # 1/16 Stats

  • Smells good
  • Likes sleeping
  • Wants his blankie
  • Can say "baa-baa"
  • Has fleece as white as snow